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atarom
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 Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:33 Post subject: funerals are teh suck.
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especially around this time of year.
i think there isnt a funeral i could go to where i wouldnt cry. when i think about this particular death, i'm not too striken with sadness. I never cried when the second of my two grandfathers passed.
But when i go to funerals and i see the husband of the woman that died, and her four daughters, i cant stop it. He was especially tearjerking. He's a man that i've known for many years. a baseball loving, sweaing, man's man. and here he is with his jaw shaking, a frown holding in sobs, and all i can do is feel a need to cry with him.
he was so sad. what can that be like? to not even be 50 and to lose your wife of almost 30 years. the mother of your children. the most important person in your life.
i think this is what makes me sad. extreme empathy. what could that feel like? i put myself in his shoes and i break down.
he's been a baseball and fastpitch coach as long as he's had children. he's a fantastic coach.
At the end of the service he got up and gave a speech, fighting back emotions. it sounded like any sports pep talk i've ever heard him give. It sounded just like when he was talking to his team after they had lost a game. "We fought hard. We tried everything we could. We just lost, and that's ok. We'll be ok. We'll move on. We'll be fine."
I think he's one of the strongest people i know.
probably none of you care about this. but i'm writing this for me, not you. take that as you will.
i hope none of you ever have cancer. or have people in your family that fight cancer.
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principessa
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3149
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:37 Post subject:
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I find that even if I can withhold my own expressions of grief (which I tend to do at family funerals in order to be able to emotionally support other (usually older) relatives), watching those closest to the deceased will set me off...
I think that is what makes me cry at movies as well...empathizing with the pain being depicted on the screen...
I'm sorry for your friend's loss...
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Docter
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 21 Oct 2002
Posts: 3420
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:38 Post subject:
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I understand what you are talking about...there are two funeral groups in my hotel now.
Sucks this time of year.
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Tolanin
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3551
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:42 Post subject:
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all men must die.
sad tho... honestly i cant remember the last time i cried. Honestly I cant see why family members get so upset.. most of them are religious yet they still are sad and wish the person wasnt dead.. thats pretty mean imo.. like if i won the lottery and my family wished I had lost (in relation to lottery = heaven which is of course a poor comparison)
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Paden
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 23 Oct 2002
Posts: 9362
Location: North CAROLINA!
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:45 Post subject:
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I did not cry when my mother died. Sometimes I wish I did.
But anger was in me the entire time.
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atarom
Guest
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:47 Post subject:
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it's hard not to feel angry. i know that's a common reaction.
but what were you angry at? that's a common question i guess.
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principessa
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3149
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:49 Post subject:
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the anger comes from WHY did you leave me? WHY, God, did you take this person from me? What did he/she do to deserve this? WHY does that scum rapist live while my beloved <insert relationship here> dies? etc etc....
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Tolanin
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3551
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:51 Post subject:
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your much happier once you realize theres no reason and you should just move on.
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Paden
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 23 Oct 2002
Posts: 9362
Location: North CAROLINA!
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:56 Post subject:
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Not that kind of anger my anger was
WHY THE f**k DID SOMEONE MURDER MY MOM! WHAT KIND OF SICK IDIOT DOES THIS!!!!!!
If it was from nature I would of not been mad.
Before someone jumps on my for being an attention w***e I would like to say I'm following the topic.
39 is not an age for someone to die.....
and the f****r is not in jail because no physical evidence only sircumstional (sp)
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Tolanin
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3551
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 00:58 Post subject:
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what happened to her?
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principessa
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3149
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 01:02 Post subject:
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Paden, I, for one, didn't know the circumstances of your mother's death...and I'm sorry to hear them now Yes, your anger is also normal for that type of experience...because there is no rational reason why she died nor for why the murderer was not punished.
However, have faith--what goes around comes around. This guides my life and makes it easier for me to let go of some things...
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Paden
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 23 Oct 2002
Posts: 9362
Location: North CAROLINA!
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 01:03 Post subject:
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I don't feel like telling the whole story.
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Paden
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 23 Oct 2002
Posts: 9362
Location: North CAROLINA!
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 01:06 Post subject:
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ohh don't treat me any diffrent I hate that
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Tolanin
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3551
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 01:21 Post subject:
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now i feel bad for having asked =/ sorry that happened to you man.. you should kill that f**k.
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Paden
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 23 Oct 2002
Posts: 9362
Location: North CAROLINA!
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 01:27 Post subject:
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| Tolanin wrote: | | now i feel bad for having asked =/ sorry that happened to you man.. you should kill that f**k. |
dont say I feel bad
I hate that to.
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wellspoken
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 01 Feb 2003
Posts: 7137
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 02:03 Post subject:
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Damn, that sucks Paden :\
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atarom
Guest
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 07:54 Post subject:
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| Paden wrote: | | Tolanin wrote: | | now i feel bad for having asked =/ sorry that happened to you man.. you should kill that f**k. |
dont say I feel bad
I hate that to. |
i dont know what to say.
it's funny because we never really want sympathy for things like this. nothing can be changed by anyone feeling bad about it. but everyone instantly feels bad.
having to feel like people are walking on eggshells around you is just as bad as them being insensitive.
no one should have to feel pain like that. but without it there would be no good emotions. pain is necessary for happiness.
In order to soar we must first plunge.
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nytebyter
Luke Warm
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 114
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 13:39 Post subject: usually lurk, but....
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Paden...... /manly bear hug
Last Wednesday night, I was here at my business working and I got a phone call from Colorado Springs Fire Department. They told me to get to my little sister's (27) house ASAP. I sped over and found that her husband had died of unknown cause. She had gone to church and he stayed home with their sick baby, and she came back and found him dead, locked in his walk-in closet. She tried to do CPR, but he was rigor mortised, so she cut her lip real bad on his tooth in his stiff mouth when trying to give him breaths.
This guy : had an affair with my mother 13 years ago and really shattered my family resulting in my parents divorce, then he basically bought my sister when she was not even legal age, but he was also my mentor and taught me the skills to own my own business, his son from a previous relationship is one of my best friends.......too much to tell, but just a very formative man (negative and positive) in my life.
He owned a business and an active member of his church, counseled people in jail, gave $100,000 to his church....etc etc....
The coroners report was supposed to come out the next day, but it took longer than expected. In the meantime, I selected the gravesite, set up the funeral, got 50 people transportation and lodging, and grieved with my sister. The coroner finally called as we drove to the mortuary to pick out a casked......cause of death: Fatal Cocaine Overdose. He had the equivalent of 30 lines of coke in his system and was shooting up in his closet (where we foound him with the door closed, with his baby downstairs.)
I have never heard something so shocking or painful in my 36 years of life. My sister was devestated. His church is crushed. His family cannot even speak his name. I went to their house, and started searching and found the needle on his closet shelf....the one that killed him. It still had his blood in the syringe and another hit waiting to be slammed.
I still cry over this. I spoke at the funeral service, and could barely see my notes through tears. But I am so angry. My little beautiful sister with her 3 boys under the age of 8, and life has already decimated her dreams. Sadness and anger sometimes threaten to overwhelm me.
Well, I know the attention span of people here is quite short, and so I will leave it at that. Just saw the topic, and felt compelled to share my messed up Christmas with a board that I have lurked for years, but rarely contribute to.
I have to believe that there is "a plan", but at times like these, my faith struggles to compensate for the grief and loss for those little boys and that sweet woman, that I am proud to have as a sister.
/shrugs
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Akronn
Guest
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Posted: 12/28/03 - 14:06 Post subject:
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Goes to show you that some leopards will never change their spots. I'd be angry, but not sad, nyte.
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