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Silvermouse
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 11015
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 Posted: 04/13/05 - 18:30 Post subject: Ultimate Warrior threats! (maybe repost)
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Apparantly the guy at SA forums made a comment about the Ultimate Warrior, and UW's attorney sent him nasty, Kbarr-like letters!
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2790
| Quote: | I thought I had seen it all. In my nearly eight years of using the Internet, I've been threatened by lawsuits from webmasters, psychotic game developers, heavy metal bands, adult men who wear diapers, and even more psychotic game developers. I had never, in my entire life, thought I would eventually receive a lawsuit from THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR. Well, not exactly the Ultimate Warrior, but his "Director of Communications," whatever that means. I guess that's the guy who picks up the phone when it rings and then turns it around the correct way so Mr. Ultimate Warrior is speaking into the correct end.
Zack "The Human Lawsuit" Parsons wrote up Mr. Warrior's homepage as an Awful Link of the Day last Friday, and to be quite honest, he really didn't say anything terribly harsh about the guy. Well, at least not compared to our normal Awful Links of the Day, where we all chip in and attempt to make the respective webmasters commit suicide in the shortest timespan possible. The Ultimate Warrior, a washed-up, has-been WWF superstar, has apparently taken a few too many blows to the skull with folding chairs because he's now an ultra-conservative blowhard, launching tirades against every single underhanded liberal conspiracy he can find inside the dark abyss of his mind. He recently spoke at the University of Connecticut, and was quoted as saying (among other gems), "queering don't make the world work" and, upon being asked a question by a student from the Middle East, advised him to "get a towel." Ha ha, get it? Because he's a towelhead! Oh those crazy Arabs, when will they ever learn?!? Zack's writeup of the Warrior's site described him as a "crazy racist," which I personally feel was letting the guy off quite easy.
Chris Lewis, The Ultimate Warrior's "Director of Communications," apparently didn't agree.
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FROM: Chris Lewis cl9904@msn.com
TO: webmaster@somethingawful.com
CC: mrwarrior@earthlink.net
As Director of Communications for Ultimate Creations, Inc. - which owns all rights associated with the wrestling character Ultimate Warrior - part of my job is to address any violations of Ultimate Creations' intellectual property rights associated with the character. Consider this email as your fair notice that we consider your site to be in violation of those rights.
A current posting on your site refers to the Ultimate Warrior as a "racist" - a statement that is not true, and is clearly libelous.
Furthermore, Ultimate Creations, Inc. has never authorized you or anyone affiliated with your website to use the image or likeness of Ultimate Warrior.
If the offending portion of your post is not removed by 9 AM on Monday, April 11, 2005, we will be forced to take appropriate legal action to address the libel and unauthorized use of the Ultimate Warrior likeness. We also expect an apology for your outrageous accusations against Warrior.
Sincerely,
Chris Lewis
Director of Communications
Ultimate Creations, Inc.
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FROM: Rich Kyanka lowtax@somethingawful.com
TO: cl9904@msn.com
Dear Mr. Director of Communications,
I look forward to your exciting lawsuit! I simply cannot wait to read the next exciting, action-filled update by Mr. Warrior detailing how the Internet is a vast liberal plot to destroy humanity and make the entire Earth blow up like a gigantic cake crammed full of homosexuals and foreigners. Both of you remind me how all political extremities, both far left and far right, embrace the exact same rhetoric. God bless America, the land of the lawsuit and the home of the offended. May you and your bicycle streamer-wearing boss both enjoy a successful libel / slander / intellectual copyright / insane washed up "pro" wrestler lawsuit against me. I have but one request: can "Mean" Gene Okerlund be present in the court when your boss testifies against me?
Sincerely,
Richard Kyanka
Director of Communications and Busting Folding Chairs Over Suckers' Heads
Something Awful Creations, Inc.
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Richard,
I'm pretty sure that after reading this, you're going to realize that you're only getting yourself deeper in trouble. I've already tracked down quite a bit of information about you.
For example, your address:
PO Box 997
Lees Summit, MO 64063
Did you know that for only $1 someone can go to the post office, fill out a simple form, and find out the street address of the individual who rented the box?
I also know that your wife's name is Megan, and that you two were married on February 13, 2005. I've also tracked down a street address and telephone number for "another" Richard Kyanka. I actually called this telephone number. This was either you or your father. A terrible shame that you don't have the balls to claim your own name, little man. Speaking of little man, I've also managed to track down a couple of pictures of you, which I've attached to this email. You should really spend less time typing away at your computer and a little more time in the gym. Those arms of yours look like spaghetti. And those rosy-red cheeks of yours are quite manly, as well. Bottom line - if you're going to talk tough, you need to be prepared to back that up. To use the old (but in this case, appropriate) cliche, you're letting your mouth write checks that your body can't possibly cash.
Listen - this isn't going to turn out the way you want it to, Richard. Given that you attended Vanderbilt University, you're ostensibly a smart fellow. By now, I'm sure that you're aware of the fact that you're in the wrong by permitting outright libel against Warrior on your website. I'm also sure that you realize that you've only made matters worse for yourself by passing along my email address to your minions so they can harass or threaten me. How cowardly of you to bring in others when you simply lack the fortitude to stand up for yourself! At this point, I've already tracked down two of the emails from your fans - one from Truman State University and one from Sonoma State University. I've had long talks with the IT supervisors at each school. The young men that YOU brought into what could have otherwise been a simple and civil disagreement are now facing disciplinary actions - including suspension from their respective universities - because they were foolish enough to bite on your plea to have your little followers harass or threaten me. I'm sure you're going to swear up and down that you had nothing to do with this escalation. Yet, this is one situation in which you're not going to be able to escape responsibility for your actions.
Your ego has gotten the better of you, Richard. I see by reading a bit of your site that you've been threatened before. However, you're in the big leagues now. This is serious business. Warrior fought a five-year legal battle with Titan Sports to secure ownership of his character - and he prevailed. You're little more than a fly to be swatted to Warrior and myself. And Richard, when we swat a fly - we swat the hell out of it.
Sincerely,
Chris Lewis |
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Renork
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 23 Jun 2003
Posts: 6282
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Posted: 04/13/05 - 18:32 Post subject:
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does anyone have a link to the video of The Ultimate Warrior giving his speach? I saw it the other day and it was funny as hell but I forgot to save it.
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Eindar
Can't Stop Posting
Joined: 02 Nov 2002
Posts: 580
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Posted: 04/13/05 - 18:41 Post subject:
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I like how at first it starts off sounding like a professional business request. After the witty retort by SA Creations, Inc., he comes back with insults and threats. I think it's pretty obvious that even the "creative director" or whatever he is knows that a lawsuit wouldn't work, as he'd have to PROVE that the UW wasn't a racist, which would be very hard to do, considering the proof to the contrary AND the fact that "racist" is a very hard term to quantify in the court of law.
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Devook
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 31 Mar 2004
Posts: 2373
Location: Ypsilanti or Troy, MI
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Posted: 04/13/05 - 18:47 Post subject:
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fake
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Tura
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 29 Oct 2003
Posts: 4865
Location: Raleigh, NC
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Posted: 04/13/05 - 20:34 Post subject:
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Since when is it illegal to call someone else a name on the internet?
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kbarr
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 05 Oct 2004
Posts: 11239
Location: New York, now go fuck off...
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Posted: 04/13/05 - 21:18 Post subject:
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| Renork wrote: | | does anyone have a link to the video of The Ultimate Warrior giving his speach? I saw it the other day and it was funny as hell but I forgot to save it. |
What college do you attend?
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Owyyn
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 2900
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Posted: 04/14/05 - 01:01 Post subject:
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At least post the whole thing, not just snippets that are only simi-funny. There`s about a dozen emails between them.
Also, he should have put Leonard J. Crabs on the case. 
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Kilzalot
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 21 Oct 2002
Posts: 2080
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Posted: 04/14/05 - 09:43 Post subject:
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Funny.
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Thenger
Can't Stop Posting
Joined: 17 Oct 2002
Posts: 715
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Posted: 04/14/05 - 11:01 Post subject:
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I just read all of the e-mails they sent to one another and I have to say that was some good suff. it made my day to see that.
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Ikkan
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 06 Sep 2003
Posts: 3086
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Posted: 04/14/05 - 11:15 Post subject:
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omg rofl
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Chunkii
Luke Warm
Joined: 13 Oct 2002
Posts: 196
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Posted: 04/14/05 - 12:49 Post subject:
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clever man that kyanka is
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