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Nahualli
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 8461
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 Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:13 Post subject: Ok... strange but true delivery boy story
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Background : Since I don't have a car I order my groceries online through Safeway.com. Since I work late nowadays I had scheduled my food to be delivered between 7-9 pm last night.
So here I was last night at work, when I received a phone call at approximately 5pm. I didn't recognize the number right away, it was (415) 289-XXXX. I answered it, and the person on the other introduced himself as Wayne from Safeway.com. Interesting, I thought... I've never gotten a call from anyone at Safeway, but whatever. "I was just letting you know that our deliveries are really light tonight, if you'd like me to stop by and drop off your things right now I'm in the neighborhood and not doing anything." "No, I'm at work until 7, thanks for the heads-up though" I replied, and hung up. Nothing more happened for the time being.
I ducked out of work early (6:45 pm) to make it home on time. It was 6:53pm when my phone rang again, same number. Recognizing it from earlier, I was not surprised to hear Wayne again, this time asking me if I was on my way. I replied in a more or less annoyed manner, "Yes I'm only a block away, I'll see you soon" and hung up. Pushy b*****d. I show up at the steps of my apartment and he's standing there, holding 6 plastic bags in his hands and a clipboard under his arm. It was dark so I didn't get a good look at him, nor was I particularly interested in doing so, I think I was still annoyed by him calling me to make sure I was going to be there.
He asked me if he should carry my shit upstairs. I denied, saying I could do it no problem. He insisted, pointing out I had bags of my own and he was already carrying my food. I acquiesced, realizing he had a point. I showed him to the kitchen where he proceeded to put my things on the table, then started reading off the list from his clipboard of items subbed, not in stock, etc. Not really interested in that (they always f**k up at least 1 thing every time, I've gotten used to it) I signed the paper and thanked him.
I have a point, I promise. I'm getting there.
Ten minutes later, my phone rings again. It's the same number. Not imagining what he could possibly be asking me this time, I answered. He asked if I wanted paper towels. No, thank you I informed him. He mentioned that there were some paper towels left over from a previous delivery, and that I was his last delivery so they were just going to go back to the store. He then asked if I wanted any paper towels, and chuckled. I told him thank you but I just bought some (liar.. I could have used them) and thanked him again and hung up.
Thirty minutes later my phone rings again. It only rang once then the number disconnected. I looked back on the missed calls display and saw a number (415) 990-XXXX. Immediately I thought of my brother, who's been in NYC for the past several weeks and who was due home tonight. "That little b***h!" I thought... calling me up and hanging up on me. I dialed his number, got to voice mail and left him a message calling him names for calling me and hanging up. Chuckling I hung up. About 20 minutes after that my brother calls me, letting me know his plane just landed (it's 9pm by now) and that he will be home in an hour. As an afterthought he adds, "Marco I didn't understand your message... I haven't called you...."
I looked back over the missed call log and realize it wasn't my brother who called me. It was another (415) 990-XXXX number. I hit callback on the phone and I'm immediately answered - by Wayne. Stunned, I act surprised "Hi... umm.. did someone call my number?" He sounds embarassed "Oh.. umm... this is Wayne... I umm... must have umm... hit redial on your phone number.... umm... on accident... umm.. sorry. " I politely said goodbye and hung up.
Then it struck me.. how could he have hit redial when he was calling from another phone? What's this guy up to?
If you don't hear from me for a few days, y'all know my story. It was the Safeway.com delivery guy. In the kitchen. With the lead pipe.
-Nah-
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NickPSH
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 5680
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:17 Post subject:
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It must be love 
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Confused
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 08 Feb 2004
Posts: 6730
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:17 Post subject:
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He wants buttlove.
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Finigan
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3817
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:17 Post subject:
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He wants to f**k you in the ass with some safeway mayonaise, take a hint.
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sinrakin
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 7044
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:19 Post subject:
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Billy has "a package for you, (front and center)." Dressed in "his cute little uniform and shorts that reveal his muscular legs," shoppers are urged to "request 'rear delivery' when Billy is on duty."
 
Last edited by sinrakin on 10/20/04 - 15:30; edited 2 times in total
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Nahualli
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 8461
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:20 Post subject:
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Well forgive me if that's not the first thing that came to mind.. normally if someone is interested, don't they just say something normal like "Hey you wanna go out sometime?"
What's up with the phone number stalker shit..? I talked to him for all of 2 minutes.
-Nah-
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Finigan
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3817
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:23 Post subject:
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| Nahualli wrote: | Well forgive me if that's not the first thing that came to mind.. normally if someone is interested, don't they just say something normal like "Hey you wanna go out sometime?"
What's up with the phone number stalker shit..? I talked to him for all of 2 minutes.
-Nah- |
He's a homosexual, they are never right in the head.
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NickPSH
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 5680
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:23 Post subject:
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Maybe he works for a safeway crime ring that uses the usual trust people have for the average delivery boy to their advantage. He was just initiated that night, and his first task was to render you unconcious, ravish your body, and steal items totaling 100 dollars in value. Unfortunately he failed initiation, and he has the pay the price Nahuali, the ultimate price.
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Goraz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3736
Location: Philadelphia
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:37 Post subject:
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| sinrakin wrote: | Billy has "a package for you, (front and center)." Dressed in "his cute little uniform and shorts that reveal his muscular legs," shoppers are urged to "request 'rear delivery' when Billy is on duty."
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ROFL @ PIC
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Someone
Toomuchtimeonhands
Joined: 01 Apr 2004
Posts: 929
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:43 Post subject:
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He just wanted to be your friend. Every good relationship is founded on good communication. You just hurt his feelings.
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Merican
Sir Postalot
Joined: 05 Mar 2003
Posts: 1491
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 15:49 Post subject:
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| Someone wrote: | | He just wanted to be your friend. Every good relationship is founded on good communication. You just hurt his feelings. |
hahah thats poetry.
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Occulis
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 13293
Location: Moral Relativity Central
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 16:04 Post subject:
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Weird.
I'm not sure why you let him inside your apartment though. Did I misunderstand the post?
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Nahualli
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 8461
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 16:29 Post subject:
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| Occulis wrote: | Weird.
I'm not sure why you let him inside your apartment though. Did I misunderstand the post? |
Because it made sense at the time, I was carrying my gym bag, my backpack/laptop case and an umbrella, he was already holding all my groceries. Figured he could help me out. He was not weirding me out at that point. He was just doing his job.
-Nah-
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Nictathan
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 5531
Location: here... where I am... not with you
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 16:30 Post subject:
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| Nahualli wrote: | | Occulis wrote: | Weird.
I'm not sure why you let him inside your apartment though. Did I misunderstand the post? |
Because it made sense at the time, I was carrying my gym bag, my backpack/laptop case and an umbrella, he was already holding all my groceries. Figured he could help me out. He was not weirding me out at that point. He was just doing his job.
-Nah- |
The elephants scare me
Watch that aura man...
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Eduin
Sir Postalot
Joined: 14 Oct 2002
Posts: 1046
Location: Glasgow
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 16:52 Post subject:
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He saw the Astroglide and the extra strong Titan Condoms you ordered and figured it was time to explore his bi-curious side.
Regards,
Eduin
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Nahualli
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 8461
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 16:53 Post subject:
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| Eduin wrote: | He saw the Astroglide and the extra strong Titan Condoms you ordered and figured it was time to explore his bi-curious side.
Regards,
Eduin |
Haha... Astroglide is shit.  There are soooo many superior products out there.
-Nah-
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Galdaria
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 06 Apr 2004
Posts: 5641
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 16:55 Post subject:
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This reminds me of that Cable Guy movie. You have a new best friend. =)
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Buntz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 13 Oct 2002
Posts: 3342
Location: Banner Elk, N.C.
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 17:29 Post subject:
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why dont you have a car? =(
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Nahualli
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 8461
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 18:01 Post subject:
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| Buntz wrote: | | why dont you have a car? =( |
Because I live in a crowded neighborhood in San Francisco, minutes from downtown where the parking is scarce and the "oops!" that happen to cars (dings, scratches etc) are far too common. I live exactly 15 blocks from work and I live 3 blocks from one of the best public transit systems in the country which takes me within 2 blocks of my job and practically to the front door of my class in the mornings. My brother has a car I mooch when I need to go out of town so the question for me becomes, why would I *want* a car?
-Nah-
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Hohrer
Luke Warm
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 202
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 18:03 Post subject:
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you shoulda just took the paper towels man, you know you run out and forget for days
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Nahualli
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 8461
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 18:11 Post subject:
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| Hohrer wrote: | | you shoulda just took the paper towels man, you know you run out and forget for days |
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... you're the only person who can personally vouch for my frantic obssession with paper towels. You're totally right I should have except the night before I had bought a 12 pack of towels, I'm set for a while.
-Nah-
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Occulis
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 13293
Location: Moral Relativity Central
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Posted: 10/20/04 - 19:01 Post subject:
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| Nahualli wrote: | Because it made sense at the time, I was carrying my gym bag, my backpack/laptop case and an umbrella, he was already holding all my groceries. Figured he could help me out. He was not weirding me out at that point. He was just doing his job.
-Nah- |
Looks like you weren't strategically interacting with humans. Why didn't you analyze this situation and consider the outcome before it happened? Your chess playing is poor. You are docked 4 points.
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compusmack
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 15 Oct 2002
Posts: 6354
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Posted: 10/21/04 - 09:12 Post subject:
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| Goraz wrote: | | sinrakin wrote: | Billy has "a package for you, (front and center)." Dressed in "his cute little uniform and shorts that reveal his muscular legs," shoppers are urged to "request 'rear delivery' when Billy is on duty."
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ROFL @ PIC |
Plz deliver package @ teh rear!
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Goraz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3736
Location: Philadelphia
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Posted: 10/21/04 - 09:33 Post subject:
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The delivery boy was a curse from Jesus.
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superturd
Fresh Meat
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 9
Location: Home
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Posted: 10/21/04 - 11:56 Post subject:
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My sister blew the pizza guy a few times because she wanted free pizza. I bet the same would work for groceries.
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Occulis
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 13293
Location: Moral Relativity Central
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Posted: 10/21/04 - 11:58 Post subject:
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| superturd wrote: | | My sister blew the pizza guy a few times because she wanted free pizza. I bet the same would work for groceries. |
Nice. 
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merdocc
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 2038
Location: Pasadena Ca
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Posted: 10/21/04 - 13:19 Post subject:
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Yeah... that would be the only reason I would become a pizza delivery man. For that .0001% chance that a hot girl would open the door and be like omg I don't have any money want to stick it in my butt?
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Silvermouse
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 11015
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Posted: 10/21/04 - 13:50 Post subject:
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| Occulis wrote: | | superturd wrote: | | My sister blew the pizza guy a few times because she wanted free pizza. I bet the same would work for groceries. |
Nice. |
How does that conversation start?
He brings the pizza to the door. She stands there in some slutty pose. He tells her that it will be $19.34, please. She starts to suck on her finger. He's wondering why she isn't getting her purse.
Then???
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sinrakin
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 7044
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Posted: 10/21/04 - 13:52 Post subject:
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| Silvermouse wrote: | | Occulis wrote: | | superturd wrote: | | My sister blew the pizza guy a few times because she wanted free pizza. I bet the same would work for groceries. |
Nice. |
How does that conversation start?
He brings the pizza to the door. She stands there in some slutty pose. He tells her that it will be $19.34, please. She starts to suck on her finger. He's wondering why she isn't getting her purse.
Then??? |
http://www.bigsausagepizza.com
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Tav
Toomuchtimeonhands
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 894
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Posted: 10/21/04 - 14:15 Post subject:
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| merdocc wrote: | | Yeah... that would be the only reason I would become a pizza delivery man. For that .0001% chance that a hot girl would open the door and be like omg I don't have any money want to stick it in my butt? |
I don't know Goraz, but any girl willing to suck a c**k for free pizza is one or all of the following:
- not hot and desperate
- crack ho
- prostitue on time off
- considers c*m & pepperoni a delicacy
** Disclaimer - No disrespect superturd. 
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