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ashwynd
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 26 Aug 2003
Posts: 1686
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 Posted: 07/13/04 - 03:44 Post subject: I can't believe I'm asking this here but... (NWS)
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To summarize a long story, I like my ex quite a bit, we broke up on good terms and she told me the other night she likes me as well. The problem is, she doesn't want to get emotionally attached because she goes back to school a few states north in the fall (mid september), which leaves us a bit over 2 months. She agreed to try dating and see what happens but she emphasized taking things slow, making out appears to be ok though  My questions to you all are A) your views on that situation other than "Run away!" and B) where to take her on a date to ensure she is comfortable aside from dinner (movies are s****y for dates imo) Thanks in advance 
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smallgreenguy
Luke Warm
Joined: 03 May 2003
Posts: 225
Location: Scott Peterson's Town
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 03:50 Post subject:
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Take her to a beastie boys concert !
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Banzai
Guest
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 03:51 Post subject:
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If you really like her be her friend first. Chemical attraction can come and go but if you are really into someone they can be f*****g someone else and you can still spend time with them and be cool. If it was meant to happen then years down the road you will figure out that friendship is the best way to start a life partnership. If it doesn’t go that far then you still have a cool friend. It's a win/win situation.
Do something childish and fun like mini golf or karaoke. Other options, the observatory to look at starts and have a picnic, find a restaurant with a nice view, horseback riding. Anything active and not passive.
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Bait Masterson
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3842
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 03:55 Post subject:
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I cant believe you are asking this here.
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ashwynd
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 26 Aug 2003
Posts: 1686
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 03:57 Post subject:
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I've been friends with her for a while, we dated about 7 or so years ago for 3 months. This summer we've become much closer as friends and we're on a time constraint, which is why I don't want to just sit around until she has to go. I'm trying to figure out a way to make her comfortable having a relationship with me instead of distancing herself to make sure she doesn't get too attached :p
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Mugaaz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3576
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 04:09 Post subject:
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Dude, let it go. THe only answer you don't want is the one that you know is actually true. Stop wasting time and go find a new woman who is available, who doesn't have issues, and who isn't leaving. Or you can TRY to make SOMETHING out of this which in best case has you both miserable in 2 months. Use your noggin.
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ashwynd
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 26 Aug 2003
Posts: 1686
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 04:15 Post subject:
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I'm going to be miserable when she leaves either way, so why not enjoy the time I have left with her? It's not like I can make these feelings go away if I go nail some hot girl at a party. There's no way in hell I'm giving up until I've tried everything If it was just a stupid crush then I wouldn't care half as much. Ok, now I'm going to sleep I swear!
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ploby
Rookie
Joined: 16 Feb 2004
Posts: 58
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 04:15 Post subject:
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I agree with Mugaaz. This seems like more trouble than it's worth. If it is meant to be it will happen Ashwynd.
Ploby
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khrath
Guest
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 05:17 Post subject:
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maybe she was hinting to you that she was down with the sickness, provided it was no strings attached ^^
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themy
Sir Postalot
Joined: 14 Oct 2002
Posts: 1153
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 05:25 Post subject:
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i can't find the nail since khrath hit it so well it went through the wood and got lost 
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Tamrissa
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 29 Nov 2002
Posts: 7100
Location: at my computer
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 05:31 Post subject:
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enjoy her company for as much time as you are alloted together and if its meant to work out it can evolve into a long distance relationship after she goes back to school.
dont treat it as keeping your gaurd up or emotionally uncaring because of being afraid of the hurt when she leaves... treat every day like a normal everyday average relationship.. hell relationships end every day most with no or little warning signs... you just know this ones on a timeline till it does...
if you go into this whole heartidly things might work out even after school starts... so my advice to you is.. go on the cheesy movie dates, concerts, to a fair watch fireworks go for a picnic enjoy your time together to teh most and quit worrying about when it will come to an end... cause if ya do it right... it wont have to end (unless you want it to).
*btw* if this doesnt make sense then jsut ignore my 530 am working on 3 hours sleep ramblings k ... k 
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Mugaaz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3576
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 05:32 Post subject:
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| Tamrissa wrote: | enjoy her company for as much time as you are alloted together and if its meant to work out it can evolve into a long distance relationship after she goes back to school.
dont treat it as keeping your gaurd up or emotionally uncaring because of being afraid of the hurt when she leaves... treat every day like a normal everyday average relationship.. hell relationships end every day most with no or little warning signs... you just know this ones on a timeline till it does...
if you go into this whole heartidly things might work out even after school starts... so my advice to you is.. go on the cheesy movie dates, concerts, to a fair watch fireworks go for a picnic enjoy your time together to teh most and quit worrying about when it will come to an end... cause if ya do it right... it wont have to end (unless you want it to). |
Or just find someone else. It's a an easy choice.
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Tamrissa
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 29 Nov 2002
Posts: 7100
Location: at my computer
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 05:33 Post subject:
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they have already been together ... now they have come back to each other.. if they let distance and crap come between them when she goes back to school then fine its over.
but for now enjoy it for all its worth.
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khrath
Guest
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 05:37 Post subject:
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| Tamrissa wrote: | | enjoy her company for as much time as you are alloted together |
BALLS DEEP
| Tamrissa wrote: | | and if its meant to work out it can evolve into a long distance relationship after she goes back to school. |
ROAD TRIP FOR HEAD
| Tamrissa wrote: | | dont treat it as keeping your gaurd up or emotionally uncaring because of being afraid of the hurt when she leaves |
He's a guy tammy, not a chic =p
| Tamrissa wrote: | | ... treat every day like a normal everyday average relationship.. |
Send her to the store for beer after she wakes you up with some slow head.
| Tamrissa wrote: | | hell relationships end every day most with no or little warning signs... you just know this ones on a timeline till it does... |
what do relationships have to do with this? =p
| Tamrissa wrote: | | if you go into this whole heartidly things might work out even after school starts... so my advice to you is.. go on the cheesy movie dates, concerts, to a fair watch fireworks go for a picnic enjoy your time together to teh most and quit worrying about when it will come to an end... cause if ya do it right... it wont have to end (unless you want it to). |
abuse the p***y my n***a
| Tamrissa wrote: | | *btw* if this doesnt make sense then jsut ignore my 530 am working on 3 hours sleep ramblings k ... k |
She was up lookin at porn and pretending she was one of my b*****s ^^
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Mugaaz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3576
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 05:39 Post subject:
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| ashwynd wrote: | | I'm going to be miserable when she leaves either way, so why not enjoy the time I have left with her? It's not like I can make these feelings go away if I go nail some hot girl at a party. There's no way in hell I'm giving up until I've tried everything If it was just a stupid crush then I wouldn't care half as much. Ok, now I'm going to sleep I swear! |
There is no way other to say this then you're wrong. You can choose to simply not have contact with her, and choose to stop thinking about her whenever she creeps in your head. It's very possible, you just cannot admit it.
Seriously you don't even have to be miserable when she leaves. In fact it could be one of the happiest days of your life if you wanted it to be. The simple fact is that you are setting yourself up to fail and are trying to blame it on these unfortunate events. It takes a lot more courage to choose a relationship that doesn't have problems from the get-go, becuase if it fails you have to say "There was nothing wrong, I just failed."
Seriously. Think about it, there is no good thing that could happen from this. The ultimate ideal would be either A) a purely physical relationship or B) something at BEST being bittersweet.
You dated her before, it didn't work out then. Most likely it won't work out now either. If you do the same thing you will always get the same result.
Choose today to take control of your own life, and more specifically whether or not you choose to be happy or miserable. It takes a lot more courage but is a much better and less traveled road to take. Or you can take everyone elses advice here like Tamrissa's etc and end up like everyone else in America - 50% divorce rate, and I dunno but I'm pretty sure the other 50% isn't blissfully married.
Your choice.
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khrath
Guest
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 05:41 Post subject:
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anal **** will cure all of this shit
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ploby
Rookie
Joined: 16 Feb 2004
Posts: 58
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 06:27 Post subject:
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EvilDunn
Luke Warm
Joined: 12 Jul 2004
Posts: 102
Location: Paco's Party Pad
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 06:57 Post subject:
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Do whatever comes natural and, if you get her pregnant, oh well.
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Paco
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 13 Oct 2002
Posts: 12939
Location: Jacksonville, FL
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 07:24 Post subject:
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| Bait Masterson wrote: | | I cant believe you are asking this here. |
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Confused
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 08 Feb 2004
Posts: 6730
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 10:10 Post subject:
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She doesn't want to have **** with you for a reason. I suggest you try to improve in certain areas.
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Mugaaz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3576
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 10:11 Post subject:
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that looks beyond unpleasant.
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Yellow Journalist
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 20 Oct 2002
Posts: 1973
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 10:17 Post subject:
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Enlightened Dark people date? I thought they all were socially inept and only know how to play eq.
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Celestra
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 6929
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 10:21 Post subject:
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YEAH!?
We need someone to bring us the food/drinks so we don't have to leave the computer during raids.
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Buntz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 13 Oct 2002
Posts: 3340
Location: Banner Elk, N.C.
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 11:09 Post subject:
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I went poo
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ashwynd
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 26 Aug 2003
Posts: 1686
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 11:51 Post subject:
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| Yellow Journalist wrote: | | Enlightened Dark people date? I thought they all were socially inept and only know how to play eq. |
Aside from the fact that I quit EQ ages ago, some of us do in fact have lives outside of the internet Mugaaz you sound like you've been burned in relationships quite a few times to be so pessimistic about them, but I appreciate your advice none the less. I just wanted other people's views because I've already turned to my friends for advice and they've all had different things to say. Khrath has the best advice so far!
I don't see how you can just choose to stop thinking about someone you really care about, but I'm sure it does get easier in time if you don't see them as much. If it doesn't work out, then at least I have my friendship with her and that's good enough for me, but for now I'm going to see if we can be more than that.
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Mugaaz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3576
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 12:34 Post subject:
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| ashwynd wrote: | | Yellow Journalist wrote: | | Enlightened Dark people date? I thought they all were socially inept and only know how to play eq. |
Aside from the fact that I quit EQ ages ago, some of us do in fact have lives outside of the internet Mugaaz you sound like you've been burned in relationships quite a few times to be so pessimistic about them, but I appreciate your advice none the less. I just wanted other people's views because I've already turned to my friends for advice and they've all had different things to say. Khrath has the best advice so far!
I don't see how you can just choose to stop thinking about someone you really care about, but I'm sure it does get easier in time if you don't see them as much. If it doesn't work out, then at least I have my friendship with her and that's good enough for me, but for now I'm going to see if we can be more than that. |
It's not about being burned out not burned. It's simple truth. Your decision is about the same as someone having a crappy car that breaks down all the time and did before. But there is a chance if you spend $500 and replace the spark plug it might work though you're just guessing. Even if it does in 2 months the car is going to be repossesed.
Or you can go without a car for a day or 2 and enjoy the comfort of your own 2 feet while looking for a brand new, free, problem free automobile.
I'm not being pessimisitic. You are just living in a fantasy, unfortunately it's not true, and the pain you are feeling is reality's way of telling you that you are doing something wrong.
Call her and tell her thanks for all the great time and that you wish her the best. Then throw away her phone number and consciously choose to think of something else whenever you do think about her. Meanwhile focus on finding new, fun loving, problem free females who are available.
And your friendship is not good enough for you becuase you want more do-do. I don't seek more when I am satisified. When my shoes don't have holes and don't look like crap I cease looking for a new pair.
AND if you ARE satisfied then leave it be, enjoy the friendship and find another girl who is available!!!!
#1- AVAILABLE
#2- Problem / Drama FREE
#3- Double check 1 and 2
If having a relationship as important for you as you are making it out to be by asking for advice, By which you are admitting you don't know for certain, then ingoring the advice you get from others isn't wise. Also if it's so important you would seek one that is not so destined to fail
Truth be told there is not a more grim looking relationship then the one you are trying to start. I could not think of any worse circumstances for her short of being a drug abuser or having psychotic issues.
You are betting your life savings on a long shot. Seek a better proposition.
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Slott
Luke Warm
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 132
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 13:12 Post subject:
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whether you like it or not, you're setting yourself up to be friends with benefits. Maybe thats ok for you, but if you start fooling around again, when she leaves, you're setting yourself for a much higher sense of hurt.
if you cant visit her during the school year and you do want a relationship it might work, but its sort of going to suck if you can only see her every few months, and well yeah, talking is cool and all but you need physical action too
I'd end it, you know it can't work under the current circumstances.
find a new girl, ;D
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atarom
Guest
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 15:40 Post subject:
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casual **** is the most you should have with her.
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Xion
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 2117
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 16:03 Post subject:
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Jefe, people aren't saying you should stop thinking about her. They're saying you need to reason with yourself. I can honestly say that you shouldn't make your move until you can live close to each other for a decent period of time. You're too young to spend two months with someone and 9 months apart. Not to be a pessimist, but there are plenty of fish in the sea. Your 20's are far too precious to waste on long distance relationships.
She has the right idea. Enjoy the time you have now, get to know each other better, get some ass, and keep the FRIENDSHIP going long distance. Just be friends with benefits for the time being. All of the serious shit can wait until your living arrangements are more suitable for it.
In a nut shell: If let your relationship get serious now, you run a high risk of ruining it forever.
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Nyka
Luke Warm
Joined: 04 Nov 2002
Posts: 330
Location: Taunton Mass.
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Posted: 07/13/04 - 16:46 Post subject:
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Yep. f**k buddies for sure and date other girls and don't worry or be upset if she dates other guys because going off to college is more or less a certainty she will be getting laid. So enjoy it and if it's meant to happen eventualy it will.
Nothing worse than wondering where your girl is or who she is with and that for sure can happen on long distance relationships. So a non exclusive relationship could be the answer or just get away now if you two don't want something like that. Protect your heart by not getting to serious or emotionaly with her.
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