How EverQuest Magic saved the lives of two real dogs!

Occulis · Posted: 11/12/03 - 14:46 Post subject:

Hello friends. Here is a story about how the magic of EverQuest saved the lives of two dogs. This is a completely true story. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you can live and love one another a little better more and more every day.

I was dog sitting Saturday through today. Last night I went back to the place immediately after work to walk the doggies and be a good, responsible house-sitter: eating all their food and trying to train the cat to respond to 'Gunther' instead of its real name.

I put the shock collars on the dogs after testing the spikes on my palm first. Working? Great! Then I let the dogs out, threw the tennis balls for a bit, played RedRocketRedRocket... you know. The usual.

After about 10 minutes of that (it's nearing midnight at this point) my bowels alert me that I have to go potty.

The neighborhood is really quiet, the electric collars are on them, and the dogs are really well behaved anyway. I figure, "Hey. Chris lets his dogs unsupervised in the yard for a few minutes at a time. So can I!"

So I go inside and take a dump. I have a good digestive system, so this only takes about 4 minutes. I wipe and wash up, pet the kitty on his head, then walk back outside.

Doggies? Doggies?

"Uh... Heeeeeere doggy doggy doggy!"

There is a pickup truck driving off down the road.

I run around the yard three times and the dogs are nowhere.

"Shit!" I yell, and grab the radio controller. Zap zap! That'll get em back!

...

Uh... zap zap?

ZAP ZAP GOD DAMNIT. COME ON.

Oh sweet glory p**s, come on.

Okay. No dogs. Truck just went down the road. These dogs absolutely do not run off the land. The other day, one dropped his tennis ball (you know how dogs are about their play toys) and whined at me to pick it up, because it had rolled 2 feet outside of the yard. He wouldn't go 2 feet to get his toy. Why the f**k would he run off tonight?

I get in the car and floor it down the road. I've got the zapper with me and I'm clicking the noise-only setting (I don't want to hurt the poor things). I don't see any trucks with dogs in them. I drive further, loop up and down the road about 4 times, check the house again, call the dogs, repeat etc for about 3 hours.

During this time I've also tried to call the owners, but their phone systems are screwed up, or they don't have long distance, or something. I thought maybe the wife's dad picked up the dogs. I dunno. People are silly some time.

Finally I resolve myself to go indoors, leave the windows open, and whine in #realpoor and in EQ about the dogs missing.

I sleep about 1 hour, because every 10 minutes I hear a noise and I bolt upright. "Zeus? Tessy? Here boy! Here girl!" It's becoming some kind of sick mantra.

Finally I fall asleep again and have a dream. Zeus and Tessy are home! Safe! Happy. Oh joy!

"Where have you been?" I ask him.

"I had to get my son." He explains.

"Oh. Of course. Your son."

I wake up and for about 5 seconds am relieved to know the dogs are home and safe. Then reality sinks in again and I'm back in misery. Yay, my two favorite dogs in the world are dead and/or missing. Yay.

Finally Chris calls me back and I explain the situation. Apparently some psycho at his wifes work is stalking her, and he has taken other neighbors' dogs. They're both really upset (obviously) and I feel like a complete jack ass.

So we make plans for what to do tonight about checking the neighborhood, printing up Reward posters, etc. I hang up and start packing my bags to go to work.

Then I remember another dream I had. In the other dream, I was being instructed by Amunet (I think the egyptian goddess of vision, or maybe invisibility). She was somehow tutoring me on how to perform minor miracles on Earth. All it required was "instantaneous litany-reflex." I forget her exact words. But basically it meant if you got a voice in your head saying, "Rake the yard clockwise" you should immediately go rake the yard clockwise.

I couldn't remember the rest of it, but it seemed neat anyway. I've only had a few dreams where gods and goddesses dictate things to me.

Chris' father-in-law stops by, but I'm in the shower so he just leaves to continue searching for the dogs.

I dry off, dress, and walk in the living room. Suddenly the insane idea that the radio dog collarzapper thing, the one with the buttons on it that shocks the dogs via radiowaves, is uh...

well it's uh...

oh gosh. there's no easy way to say this.

It was a primary/secondary Held item with right-click effect of Summon Companion.

So I hold it up (I'm inside), point it out to the yard and zap the two "Make noise" buttons: 1 for each dog.

As soon, and I mean as soon, as I press the buttons the dogs appear on the front porch walkway, trotting gently back to their doggie home.

I thought I was hallucinating or perhaps insane, so I ran outside and holy shit there they are. They're wet and really tired looking, but the shock collars are still on them and turned on.

THANK YOU SOE FOR GRANTING ME POWER TO SUMMON MY COMPANIONS FROM THE ETHER.

How EverQuest Magic saved the lives of two real dogs!

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