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Desflurane
Luke Warm
Joined: 27 Mar 2003
Posts: 299
Location: St Louis
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 Posted: 12/02/05 - 09:54 Post subject: French Military Victories?
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go to www.google.com
Type a search for "french military victories" without the quotes.
Click on "I'm feeling lucky"
Funny shit....
Sorry if this is a repost?
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Tura
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 29 Oct 2003
Posts: 4865
Location: Raleigh, NC
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TASB
Sir Postalot
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 1104
Location: The Outback
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 12:04 Post subject:
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That's gotta be what 5 years old now?
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Pags
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3260
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 12:07 Post subject:
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| TASB wrote: | | That's gotta be what 5 years old now? |
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Occulis
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 13293
Location: Moral Relativity Central
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 12:08 Post subject:
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N-E-WAY
LOOK
THE POINT IS
MUGAZZ IS HUMPING OTHER MEN
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khrath
Guest
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 12:19 Post subject:
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omg if you go to www.google.com and type in google, then hit i'm feeling lucky, it takes u to google!
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Desflurane
Luke Warm
Joined: 27 Mar 2003
Posts: 299
Location: St Louis
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 13:26 Post subject:
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f**k all of you!
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kemble
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 14 Oct 2002
Posts: 1909
Location: MI
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 13:28 Post subject:
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Breaking News! Julia Child is still dead!
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Alerik
Sir Postalot
Joined: 13 Oct 2002
Posts: 1375
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 14:06 Post subject:
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People make that joke all the time, but conveniently forget Napolean.
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Xarpolis
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 15 Oct 2002
Posts: 2884
Location: Philly, PA
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 14:10 Post subject:
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Thankfully Julia Styles isn't. She's a hottie.
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Occulis
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 13293
Location: Moral Relativity Central
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 14:11 Post subject:
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| Desflurane wrote: | | f**k all of you! |
lolololol
That's the spirit!
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Bait Masterson
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3842
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 14:26 Post subject:
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just think of what napolean could have done with a real army.
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atarom
Guest
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 15:38 Post subject:
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thx googlebombing
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Plat4PoP
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 14376
Location: USA
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 17:22 Post subject:
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| Bait Masterson wrote: | | just think of what napolean could have done with a real army. |
he had a REAL army, he just let them all freeze to death and left them to die.
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Nuldaan
Sir Postalot
Joined: 07 Nov 2002
Posts: 1179
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 17:36 Post subject:
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| Alerik wrote: | | People make that joke all the time, but conveniently forget Napolean. |
- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
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Silvermouse
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 11015
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 18:53 Post subject:
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They ended up ahead in property after the Thirty Years war iirc.
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TASB
Sir Postalot
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 1104
Location: The Outback
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Posted: 12/02/05 - 19:36 Post subject:
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| Plat4PoP wrote: | | Bait Masterson wrote: | | just think of what napolean could have done with a real army. |
he had a REAL army, he just let them all freeze to death and left them to die. |
No he lost because his generals couldn't see the big picture and didn't carry out their orders.
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Tura
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 29 Oct 2003
Posts: 4865
Location: Raleigh, NC
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motherface
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 12 Mar 2003
Posts: 3407
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Posted: 12/03/05 - 11:55 Post subject:
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Shortest Books Ever Written
1. A Guide to Arab Democracies
2. A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman
3. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
4. Career Opportunities for History Majors
5. Contraception by Pope John Paul II
6. Detroit - A Travel Guide
7. Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
8. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
9. Easy UNIX
10. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
11. Everything Men Know About Women
12. French Hospitality
13. Bob Dole: The Wild Years
14. How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
15. Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
16. Mormon Divorce Lawyers
17. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
18. Popular Lawyers
19. Steeple Your Way to Success
20. Tasty Bile Recipes
21. The Amish Phone Book
22. Successful Methods of Training Cats
23. The Wit and Wisdom of J. Danforth Quayle
24. Famous Republican Philanthropists
25. Evidence of America's Christian Heritage
26. My Life in Baseball - by Michael Jordan
27. Ethics in Politics by Richard M. Nixon
28. The Cultural Guide to Des Moines
29. The Complete Cookbook of Toast
30. Famous Eskimo Surfers
The list continues below
31. The Illustrated History of the Panamanian Space Program
32. Hawaiian Olympic Ice Skating Team.
33. Scuba Divers of Tibet
34. Mountain climbing Guide to the Sahara Desert.
35. Tipper Gore's Memorable Quotes 1992-1995
36. NOW's Legal Advice for Paula Corbin Jones
37. Bill Clinton's Military Memoirs
38. Ted Kennedy's Book of Virtues
39. D.C. Recovery, by Marion Barry
40. Al Gore's Directory of Jobs for Loggers
41. Guide to Hillary HealthCare Providers
42. Why Public School Is Good For *Your* Child, by Chelsea Clinton
43. List of G.O.P. Incumbents Who Lost in the '94 Elections
44. Jesse Jackson's Achievments as an Elected Official
45. How to Sue Your Constituents Effectively, by Tom Foley
46. Clinton Cabinet Supermodels
47. A History of Virginity in France
48. A Spotless Scalp In 7 Days, Mikhail Gorbachev
49. Abstinence, Wilt Chamberlin
50. Advanced Memorization Techniques, Ronald Reagan
51. American history of culture
52. Becoming An Adult, Michael Jackson
53. Bi-**** Folks from the U.K.
54. Blacks Are People Too, Rush Limbaugh
55. Compassionate Republicans
56. Compliation of Scottish Charities
57. Conservative Democrats
58. Dog's As Pets (seen in a Vietnamese bookstore)
59. Everything Women Know About Everything
60. European Night Life
61. Famous Canadian Jazz Musicians
62. Famous War Heroes from the U.K.
63. Gourmet English Restaurants
64. Guide To Good Acting, Cast of Melrose Place
65. Honest Lawyers
66. How to Pick up Girls, Richard Simmons
67. Italian heroic legends
68. Jewish Business Ethics
69. Libertarian Congressmen
70. List of virgin sheep from the U.K.
71. Morals and Ethics, Coalition of TV Ministers
72. My Penis, John Wayne Bobbitt
73. Negros I have met while Yachting
74. Our Private Honeymoon, Tonya Harding
75. Performing Fellatio, Lorena Bobbitt
76. Performing The Perfect Murder, OJ Simpson
77. Polish Wit and Wisdom
78. Sane Perotistas
79. Scholar Athletes of the NCAA Div. I
80. Sobriety in politics, Ted kennedy
81. Study of the Canadian brain
82. The Final Exit, Shirley MacClaine
83. The Joy of ****, Hillary Clinton
84. Things to do in London
85. Vegetarian Cookbook, Jeffrey Dahlmer
86. When Your Child Reaches 5, Susan Miller
87. Who's who in Newfoundland
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Rennol
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 3741
Location: Charleston, IL
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Posted: 12/03/05 - 15:07 Post subject:
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| Bait Masterson wrote: | | just think of what napolean could have done with a real army. |
Napoleon had a good army
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xammer99
Luke Warm
Joined: 14 Mar 2003
Posts: 336
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Posted: 12/04/05 - 23:01 Post subject:
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Thirty Years War
- For most of it the French didn’t fight, they paid others to fight. Specifically they were bankrolling the Swedes to whip crap outta the Holy Roman Empire.
- When they did get into it, they spent a hell of a lotta treasure for little gain. Just a few villages along the Pyrenees in the end and a lot more debt which Louis promptly wrote off.
- They got a civil war for their troubles as well because Louis had to crank up the taxes to pay for it, but he bought’em off with more tax breaks for the nobles & priests.
- These same tax breaks were just another in a long line that made it so the nobility and the church didn’t pay any taxes in France and was thus instrumental in the Revolution.
- After the Thirty Years War they kept getting into more wars and succeeding in winning pretty much jack and shit. Though it must be said the War of the Spanish Succession Louis did succeed getting his Grandson onto the Spanish throne, but at the cost of the kid being removed from the line of French succession. So there went the chance of unifying France & Spain, and France hit a big skid in its continental dominance for the next 40 years or so.
The Seven Years War. The first real “world war” in that the theater of conflict was world wide. A HUGE loss, though again it must be said that winning for England wasn’t that much better.
French Revolution. Less said about that little bundle of fun the better. Sorry, but there ain’t much to be proud of when your revolution becomes famous for its “Reign of Terror”. Oh, but it only lasted a few years and got quickly replaced by an Emperor who screwed the pooch so bad that it brought back the House of Bourbon even though they’d just killed so many folks getting rid of it and all of it’s real or suspected loyalists.
But they did prove that you can’t stamp out a religion no matter how hard you try.
Napoleonic Wars.
Up side: Napoleon ran roughshod over the continent for a couple of decades.
Down side:
- France lost its prime sugar colony in Hispaniola (Dominican Republic & Haiti now).
- France lost its Indian sub-continental holdings to the BEIC.
- France lost its huge remaining North American holdings (Louisiana Purchase, and comprises Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, the Dakotas, Wisconsin, and Montana) which were sold for basically a month of Napoleon’s Campaigns. Granted at the time that areas except for New Orleans was seen as a desert (no one knew yet that you could feed the entire planet from that stretch of land), but New Orleans had a lotta tax potential from American shipping).
- They handed the English the planet.
- Succeeded in getting so many young men killed that the national average height in france dropped several inches (Napoleon favored tall men in his front ranks).
- In the end, France’s borders remained stable.
End result: return of the house of Bourbon and end of the French Revolution that they had killed so many folks over for the next 15 years.
Franco-Prussian War
That cagey old b*****d Bismark suckered the French into a war, beat the p**s out of’em, and used it as an excuse to finish unifying Germany for the first time since Charlemagne. Thanks for that one guys, that gave us World War One and Two.
World War One
Where the French become proof that trying the exact same plan for 4 straight years of war and losing an entire generation of young men in the process is a valid military strategy. But they brought the English, Germans, Russians, Italians, and Austrians along for the ride too, so think of it as population control.
World War Two
Where the French taught us some very valuable lessons.
1. Just because the Belgians and Dutch only served as a speed bump to the non-mechanized German invasion doesn’t mean they won’t pull through this time.
2. That you can build a god aweful expensive defensive line, much like what the Belgians had the last time, and it won’t do you a damn bit of good if you stop it at the border of a country with no capacity to defend itself and provide you with a buffer against a hostile nation.
3. That the Dane’s have a far bigger set of balls than the French because at least the Dane’s sunk their navy rather than let the German’s have it.
4. That every one was in the French Resistance, really…they were…just ask’em, cause it’s much easier to pick up a rifle AFTER the invasion is over rather than before it.
5. That a major nation state can fight a defensive war on their home territory for a couple of weeks and still not manage to get 70% of it’s combat aircraft into the air.
6. That the French people REALLY do not like Jews.
7. That the French colonials will flip sides in exchange for keeping their positions enmasse.
8. That the head French leader a j*****s of unbelievable proportions and would rather his countrymen in the much famed French Resistance sit it out than help the Allied Invasions because he didn’t get to address them first on the radio after the invasions commenced.
Post-World War Two
- Where the French finally grow a pair and set about out Germaning the Germans. Destructive Labor Camps in Indochina where they work you to death on purpose farming rubber, anyone?
- The joyous fun of Algeria where they got the Foreign Legion to mutiny against the French Government and attempt to decapitate it.
- The Suez Crisis where the French with the English, whom they goaded into it, pick a fight with the Egyptians that comes within a hair of sending the entire Middle East into the open arms of the Soviets. Though they did get about half of it over because of that little clusterfuck.
After that the French become a tad lower in key, but remain very much in the nasty work business. They still remain the only major nation state to actively and publicly employ mercenaries. So, in the end, as before, the French just don’t accomplish much though they try like hell. But they’ve finally realized this over the past 30-40 years and are now much more comfortable with their role of vicious little two faced p***k. While on the one hand they are quite happy to trumpet how great and humanitarian they are and get a lotta process for it, on the other hand they are sending in the Legion to knock over unfriendly governments left and right. They’ve gotten outta the outright conquest business since Algeria, Indochina, and Suez, but they are still quite happy to dip their hands into the nation building business in Africa quite liberally and continue to do so to this day.
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kireol
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 02 Aug 2003
Posts: 9517
Location: Royal Oak, MI
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Posted: 12/04/05 - 23:07 Post subject:
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whoa. readers digest plz
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Soriak
Toomuchtimeonhands
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 952
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Posted: 12/04/05 - 23:28 Post subject:
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| Quote: | | They still remain the only major nation state to actively and publicly employ mercenaries. |
Err... don't the US and the UK employ "private security contractors" as well? Not like there's a difference between those and mercenaries...
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Okami
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 2242
Location: The new board
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Silvermouse
RealPoor Jedi
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 11015
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Tura
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 29 Oct 2003
Posts: 4865
Location: Raleigh, NC
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Posted: 12/05/05 - 11:19 Post subject:
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Good times, great oldies, dragon legends...
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lotek
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 1598
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Posted: 12/05/05 - 13:03 Post subject:
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| Soriak wrote: | | Quote: | | They still remain the only major nation state to actively and publicly employ mercenaries. |
Err... don't the US and the UK employ "private security contractors" as well? Not like there's a difference between those and mercenaries... |
the difference between a merc and a contractor is which end of the gun your looking at.
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xammer99
Luke Warm
Joined: 14 Mar 2003
Posts: 336
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Posted: 12/05/05 - 23:23 Post subject:
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| lotek wrote: | | Soriak wrote: | | Quote: | | They still remain the only major nation state to actively and publicly employ mercenaries. |
Err... don't the US and the UK employ "private security contractors" as well? Not like there's a difference between those and mercenaries... |
the difference between a merc and a contractor is which end of the gun your looking at. |
A few important differences.
1. The over whelming majority of Legionaires are not French, to the tune of approximately 70%.
2. Legionaires enlist under an assumed name and a declared nationality. i.e. You can lie about who you are and what you have done in the past and this is SOP. Now they have started weeding out convicted felons, though those in flight are acceptable.
3. At the end of 3 years in the Legion, the Legionaire can apply, and is almost always granted, French Citizenship. If wounded in combat, the Legionaire can immediately apply and under the "french by spilled blood" rule.
4. The history of the Legion is bloody, incredibly so. These were the folks rounding the Vietnamese up for the destructive labor camps in Indochina.
To even attempt to make a comparison between security contractors and the Legion is spurious at best.
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Venkmen
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 12 Oct 2002
Posts: 2260
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Posted: 12/06/05 - 00:32 Post subject:
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| Quote: | | 73. Negros I have met while Yachting |
ROFL
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