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Tamena
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 13 Oct 2002
Posts: 1764
Location: New Joisey!
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 Posted: 04/28/04 - 09:14 Post subject: Because I have faith in you guys
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I have a request.
Woke up way to early, slept like shit last night and in a HORRIBLE mood.
Today I am asking ya'll to help cheer me up please.
I know you guys can do this.
Keep it work safe please, I have children.
Post something to make me laugh before I rip someone's head off and shit down their throat
Thanks in advance!
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median
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 2183
Location: Hamillton, Canada
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 09:16 Post subject:
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wait for it...
goatse....................in 5...4...3...2....
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Tamena
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 13 Oct 2002
Posts: 1764
Location: New Joisey!
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 09:19 Post subject:
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I SAID WORK SAFE PLEASE!
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Tamrissa
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 29 Nov 2002
Posts: 7100
Location: at my computer
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 09:23 Post subject:
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A Mother's Teachings
1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home."
2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING.... "You're going to get it when we get home!"
3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! Don't talk back to me!"
4. My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall out off that swing and break your neck, your not going to the store with me."
5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
7 My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
8 My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
9. My Mother taught me about GENETICS... "You're just like your father."
10. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?"
11. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand."
12. And my all time favorite... JUSTICE... "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you....Then you'll see what it's like."
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Mugaaz
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 16 Oct 2002
Posts: 3576
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kireol
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 02 Aug 2003
Posts: 9517
Location: Royal Oak, MI
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 09:27 Post subject:
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Celestra
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 6929
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 09:30 Post subject:
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From the archives:
Words Women Use
FINE -- This is the word women use at the end of any argument in which
women feel they are right but need to shut you up. NEVER use "fine" to
describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.
FIVE MINUTES -- This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes
that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so
it's an even trade.
NOTHING -- If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this means
something and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used to
describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside
down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will
last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) -- This is a dare. One that will result in
a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) -- This means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a
few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in about
FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH -- This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are
an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over NOTHING.
SOFT SIGH -- Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are
one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY -- This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction
with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she
has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO -- This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing
whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the
truth,
so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
THANKS -- A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're
welcome."
THANKS A LOT -- This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say,
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you
have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh."
Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
tell you "Nothing."
---------------------
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.
> >
> > Many Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner(with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: "Yes."
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sara."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had ****?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have **** at 8 o'clock this morning?"
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this." ( 3 minutes of commercials follow.)
DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?" (touch tones....ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'MateMatch'?"
Sarah: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your
answers match Brian's
answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have ****, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Well, it's just that my mom is vacationing with us and..."
DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
Sarah: "In the ass....."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break...
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Tamrissa
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 29 Nov 2002
Posts: 7100
Location: at my computer
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 09:45 Post subject:
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khrath
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 8750
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 10:05 Post subject:
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my sword will be here as soon as UPS gets to my neighborhood, how can you NOT be in a good mood knowing this?
Apr 28, 2004 6:29 A.M. TULSA, OK, US OUT FOR DELIVERY
o ya baby
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Nobonius
Sir Postalot
Joined: 27 Dec 2002
Posts: 1121
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 10:56 Post subject:
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It is my birthday today... Be happy!
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Tamrissa
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 29 Nov 2002
Posts: 7100
Location: at my computer
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 11:02 Post subject:
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happy bday nobu
hmm let me see here......
probly nws cause of swearing *turn down volume but then its not as funny*
[url=http://www.softlab.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/Giving%20The%20Finger%20To%20A%20Cop%20(police%]giving cop the finger[/url]
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Celestra
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 11 Oct 2002
Posts: 6929
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 11:03 Post subject:
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Tamrissa
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 29 Nov 2002
Posts: 7100
Location: at my computer
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quotison
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 13 Oct 2002
Posts: 1594
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Nobonius
Sir Postalot
Joined: 27 Dec 2002
Posts: 1121
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 13:37 Post subject:
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Too many people call me Nobu.... Its Nob, Nobo, Soh, Sohrob, or Rob 
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Banzai
Guest
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 16:36 Post subject:
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You think you had a bad day?
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Frostkiss
RealPoor Guru
Joined: 20 Oct 2002
Posts: 2018
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 16:43 Post subject:
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| Celestra wrote: |
Words Women Use
FINE -- This is the word women use at the end of any argument in which
women feel they are right but need to shut you up. NEVER use "fine" to
describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
arguments.
FIVE MINUTES -- This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes
that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so
it's an even trade.
NOTHING -- If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this means
something and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used to
describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside
down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will
last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) -- This is a dare. One that will result in
a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) -- This means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a
few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in about
FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH -- This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are
an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over NOTHING.
SOFT SIGH -- Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are
one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content.
Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY -- This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction
with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she
has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO -- This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing
whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the
truth,
so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
THANKS -- A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're
welcome."
THANKS A LOT -- This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say,
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you
have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh."
Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
tell you "Nothing." |
haha, this is so true
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wellspoken
RealPoor Master of Posts
Joined: 01 Feb 2003
Posts: 7137
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 16:47 Post subject:
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| Banzai wrote: | You think you had a bad day?
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omg
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Tamena
RealPoor Sensei
Joined: 13 Oct 2002
Posts: 1764
Location: New Joisey!
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Posted: 04/28/04 - 18:29 Post subject:
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the turtle looks to be smiling tho..
thanks guys!! Ya helped as usual
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